international sports

A German named Elmar recently won the title of World's Best Beard in the biannual 'Worlds Best Beard and Mustache Championship'.  His winning beard was sculpted into the shape of what the news said was a moose but what really looked like a caribou.  Apparently, when your name is 'Elmar' you are able to grow a beard to your waist and then mold it into the shape of a caribou.  This is most likely because you aren't married.  Which is completely ridiculous.  What woman wouldn't want to be married to the man who won (quote) "the premier event in the international sport of bearding"?

I'm fairly certain that "the international sport of bearding" is the also the most lazy sport of them all.  You don't even have to do anything.  You just sit there and hair grows out your face.  I'm participating RIGHT NOW.  And I'm not wearing pants.  Which makes 'the international sport of bearding' also the most awesome sport of them all.  I'm practically a semi-pro.