new shirt

After much searching, I have found Melissa's Christmas present. It's a shirt. But not just any shirt. It's a Gerbil Shirt.

Now I know your asking yourself, "Self, why would Melissa want a shirt with a gerbil on it?" And the answer is simple: because it's not a shirt with a gerbil on it.  "What?" you say, "I thought you just said it's a gerbil shirt!" And that I did...but it's even better than a a shirt with a gerbil on it, it's a shirt with a gerbil (or potentially gerbils) on it. This is an important distinction and something that in no way could possibly go unnoticed.  Especially because the gerbils in question ARE ALIVE!

Yes, that's right. I said it. It's a gerbil shirt with live gerbil(s) on it, going about their merry gerbil way, running around in little gerbil tubes, while the wearer (Melissa) continues having perfectly normal conversations with nobody. This is because nobody wants to be associated with someone who has gerbils running around their shirt. Ever. For any reason. Unless that reason is to fill the little gerbil tubes up with DeCon.

I still think Melissa will like it. Just look how happy she's going to be:

On a slightly related note, I don't think a gerbil would fill Bruce up.

On a slightly unrelated note, 'gerbil' is a funny looking word.

burning butter

Melissa and I had an interesting conversation yesterday morning that went something like this:

Melissa: If you put butter in a toaster, would it light on fire?
Me: What?
Melissa: I was wondering if you put butter in a toaster, would it light on fire?
Me: That's what I thought you said. Why would you put butter in a toaster?
Melissa: Like if I buttered bread and then put it in a toaster.
Me:  Why would you butter bread before you put it in the toaster?
Melissa:  I'm just wondering if it would catch on fire.
Me: I guess it could.  But, back to my question, why would you even consider doing that?
Melissa:  Well, I was thinking I wanted a grilled cheese sandwich but I didn't want to spend the time to cook it.  So I thought about putting it in the toaster because that would cook it pretty fast.  Then I thought the butter might catch on fire so I decided not to do it.  Then I thought we should probably make sure our kids don't do that.
Me:  Now you've raised a completely different problem: why do you want grilled cheese first thing in the morning?

Now I have to go get a toaster that I can put buttered bread into just to see if it will catch on fire.  And I probably have to do it without Melissa knowing about it.  I should probably make sure our kids don't do that.

Melissa thinks I'm crazy.

And with no further explanation...

highly disappointing

Yesterday was Halloween which means that weird people were all over the place, some even coming to my house begging for unhealthy food.

Speaking of TV, there was one show I was really looking forward to watching: Werewolf Hamster: The Legend of.... The name was too long to display what the legend actually was so that part was a mystery, but I was pretty excited about it nonetheless. The idea of vicious mutant rodents terrorizing helpless villagers under the light of a full moon was very appealing to me and I was especially looking forward to hearing what the howl of a werewolf hamster sounded like. I imagine they sound something like a cat in heat stuck in a helium chamber.

Unfortunately, I never got to find out. It turns out I read the name of the movie wrong. It was really named Werewolf Hunter: The Legend of... which sounds way too lame to be any good at all. It was a very disappointing Halloween.