great panic

“JUSTIN, COME HERE RIGHT NOW! COME HERE RIGHT NOW! I NEED YOU HERE NOW!”

These are the sounds of a desperate woman in serious trouble; a woman whose home is being invaded by mutant, blood-sucking aliens, or who just cut her hand off in a blender and is picking her fingers off the floor one at a time, or who has been out of toilet paper for 46 minutes while I was trying to figure out what the horrible screeching sound interrupting my Mario Kart Wii game was. As it just so happens, they are also the sounds of a woman who sees a gopher.

We got a new pet. His name is Gill and he’s a gopher. He’s not a pet that we want and is apparently waterproof (after shoving a hose down his hole for approximately infinity minutes, he’s still alive). Gill has actually been around for awhile. The plants in our front garden started mysteriously disappearing over a month ago. Really, the whole thing was sort of creepy. It was as though we were living in some sort of time warp: one day a pretty little flower would be blooming in the sunshine, the next it would be gone without a trace. Like cookies or celery when Ian and Christen are around.

We thought it was the neighbor’s dog. Melissa even wanted me to set up the camera to time-lapse videotape so we could catch it in the act. Good thing I put that off for as long as I did. Finding out it was really a gopher saved me a lot of work. Actually, it just saved me the work of setting up the camera. I still have to get rid of the gopher. Maybe this means I’ll post again before December just to keep you posted on Gill’s status. Maybe.

boring

I will readily admit that this is probably the most boring blog ever. With almost monthly updates, there is no way it could not be boring. Now for those of you wishing for an update on my life, here it is:

The most exciting thing to happen recently was the finding of this article in my company health newsletter (the important parts are highlighted):


I think this is probably the best advice I’ve read in a very long time.

Other than that, Ma and Pa Pierce came down for a visit last month. It was great. One of our SD cards won’t let us pull the pictures off it so we can’t see any of them. Most of them are airplanes flying around in a big circle really fast and really low. It was awesome.

We also went camping which was a lot of fun. Our tents look like a Coleman advertisement. Unfortunately, there were no vicious animals stalking us unrelentingly this time which was pretty disappointing.

Anyway. Now you’re pretty much caught up. Melissa has agreed to give me ‘undisturbed visiting’ time, I haven’t had to see a doctor yet, and Ma and Pa had a great time on their visit.

mortality

As most of you probably already don’t know, I spent a lot of time in my pre- and early-teen years pondering my mortality. Not that I was at all suicidal, but I did think about the possibility of instantaneous death quite frequently and probably not for the reasons you may be able to come up with.

Sundays at my house were a special day. We wore special clothes, ate special meals, had special toys, and even read special books (it wasn’t until later that I realized the term ‘special’ was usually reserved for buses). It was one of these ‘special’ books that was the impetus for my somewhat morbid thoughts and, despite what you may be thinking, it wasn’t a spiritual book at all. It was a book about our universe, aptly named ‘Our Universe’.

Describing in great detail the scientific world’s theory of the big bang and progressing through the planets within our own solar system, the book illustrates such marvels as black holes, asteroid fields, and Jupiter. It also describes the life-cycle of stars, which is really fascinating until you realize our Sun is one of said stars.

This book could have just as easily been named Why a Huge Ball of Burning Gas Will Eventually Go Supernova, Engulf the Earth, and Vaporize You.

You can see how an 11-year old would be very worried about this. Especially considering that I skimmed a lot and don’t remember reading anything about a time frame for the Sun’s inevitable explosion-implosion. Also, the book was published in 1980 (before science existed) so it may very well have ended with 'and we’ll never know when... but it could be tomorrow'.

When faced with an inescapable stellar explosion, it’s fairly easy to accept your mortality. That may be why I work for a company actively designing systems to flee the surly bonds of Earth.

Does it feel warm in here?

also

Also, Melissa made a cake.

science fairs

After receiving comments from all three people that read this blog, I have decided to change my name and move. Mostly because that would be easier than an update. Thank you for your time.

Okay, Melissa tells me that won’t work because I would have to clean up the house so we can sell it. I guess my aversion to housework means I have to write something here despite having surpassed my promised 8-day writing span. Technically, anything else I write is of additional scope not originally outlined in my contract.

It actually has been quite the eventful month as of late. Scout camp occupied most of two weeks of my time (including the week prior to the actual camp which was spent rushing around completing last minute chores). After large amounts great fun and only slight complaining about the food/sleeping arrangements/merit badges/dirt/squirrels/fresh mountain air my troop was able to walk away with just about every award they could give us. In fact, the only awards they didn’t give us were the ones for second place. We won everything else. Yay scouts.

After the very eventful week of August 11-16, Melissa and I, with a few friends, put our lives in peril on the infamous Subway Hike down in Zion National Park. This particular hike is a kaleidoscope of beautiful red rock traverses, glacial water swims, and terrifying leaps across what Melissa refers to as the “Chasms of Death.” It’s a lot of fun.

The beautiful redrock

The glacial swims

This one's fuzzy, but it's the Chasm of Death

Imagine I have a newspaper. Then try as hard as you can to forget that image.

Finally, the most recent adventure we have had the opportunity to enjoy was a very local middle school science fair. The kind of science fair where moldy bread is considered A-quality work and poster board is used to describe exactly how many times your brother licked the bread on paper plate #2 vs. paper plate #1. Except ‘very local’ means ‘in our basement’ and ‘moldy bread’ means ‘our basement’ and ‘how many times your brother licked the bread on paper plate #2’ means ‘how long the sprinkler water has been seeping into the wall through the main water line’. This was probably the best science fair I’ve ever been able to attend. In fact, this project (which was most likely the culmination of four months of toil) won first prize over entries such as ‘Clean the Living Room,’ ‘Put Away My High School Stuff,’ and ‘Go to Scouts.’

As of now, we think the project has come to an end with the introduction of two garbage cans, lots of bleach, and a fair amount of silicone. It is yet to be determined if lots of digging is in my near future and until we can be sure that next year’s entry will not be from this particular water source, we have yet to hang, mud, and paint new sheetrock.

On the plus side, besides winning first place, my snot factory nose has drastically reduced output.

Of course, Mom and Dad are coming into town and we don’t have any ginormous trees or a 46-ton shed…