quasi-boring jobs

I think geology (if you are over the age of eight and still have a pet rock, you might be a geologist) would get pretty old after a while. And by ‘a while’ I mean ‘more than 12 minutes’. I believe this is why geologists came up with such a fantastic rating system for volcanoes: the Volcanic Explosivity Index. This was their attempt to lure unsuspecting undergrad students into the terribly riveting world of the rock cycle. And by ‘terribly riveting’ I mean ‘like watching paint dry without the benefit of fume-induced hallucinations’. And by ‘rock cycle’ I do not mean ‘Aerosmith’s upcoming North American tour from June-September’.

They even tried to make it more exciting by incorporating descriptions like ‘paroxysmal’, and ‘mega-colossal’. DO NOT BE FOOLED! You will be forever stuck studying things like plate tectonics and stratigraphy which are NOT things you want to be forever stuck studying! And by ‘forever’ I mean ‘forever’. Geologists measure time in millions of years. This means they are very rarely on time for meetings.

Consider yourself warned.

melissa's run

Melissa just finished a half-marathon. She did really well. Definitely in the top 1500. I'm really, really, really proud of her and as soon as she can walk again, I'll probably take her out for a Bratwurst or something. I'm pretty sure that's exactly what she would want to eat right now.

awareness campaign

During this time of war, upheaval, and economic chaos, it’s easy to forget the things that are really important in life. Sometimes, that which is most dear to us can become minute compared to the much larger problems which seem to surround us daily. The media would have us believe that we are helpless to change our situation while feelings of hopelessness and dread can fill our thoughts. This is when it becomes most vital that we remember the significant things which may have fallen by the wayside. Like Restless Legs Syndrome.

It has now been long enough that I can no longer remember the last Restless Legs Syndrome commercial I saw. Forgotten by all, it is imperative that we do not allow made-up ailments to dissolve into the abyss! RLS could possibly affect nearly 12,000,000 people in the United States alone! That’s a potential of maybe almost 4% of the entire population! And it is estimated that there are many more who suffer from RLS will never seek medical attention for fear that “they wouldn’t be taken seriously” or some other inanity. That means that as many as 100% of Americans could perchance be potentially suffering from RLS! Why are these people not standing up and fighting to be recognized for the dastardly debilitating disability for which they suffer!?

Oh wait.

Well, why aren’t they sitting down and fighting to be recognized for the dastardly debilitating disability for which they suffer!? Fortunately, for only $67, these poor souls can purchase a single bottle of Restulex™, a homeopathic remedy “guaranteed* to help your legs stay relaxed from the very first use.” In my completely unbiased opinion, I think it would be hilarious to watch someone with relaxed legs try to walk. Therefore, Restulex™ is providing a much needed service to humanity: comic relief.

This lady has no spasms.

On an unrelated note, I’m pretty sure Melissa has Restless Finger Syndrome. Last night she woke me up by repeatedly jabbing her index finger into my leg as though she was frantically trying to push the eject button on United Flight 1549. She has no recollection of the event.

*Restulex™ is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). That part is taken directly from the Restulex™ website.