survival training

I recently had the opportunity to learn some amazing skills from an individual who fancies himself a survival expert. I had no idea he was a survival expert, but after having him teach me how to snare squirrels, there is no doubt in my mind.

How to Catch Squirrels in a Survival Situation
1) Get a piece of rope. It's important that this rope not be longer than 3-4 feet and no thinner than 1/4 in. Preferably, you should be intimately familiar with this piece of rope, having taken it wherever you go for the past 8 months. Also important is melting the ends of the rope so they're not frayed (fortunately, this will be further addressed in step 4).
2) Get a stick. The stick demonstrated for me was approximately 2x6 inches.
3) Get one (1) Baby Ruth candy bar.
4) Make fire. This fire can be made using a can of spray paint and a match or a propane torch, both of which should be essential pieces of your survival kit. Redundancy should be observed by carrying two (2) cans of spray paint. When making the fire with spray paint, use only small/medium sized pieces of wood; no tinder or kindling allowed! When making the fire using a propane torch, use only tinder; no wood larger than a match should be used! However, you should save a few matches for later use if you decide to use matches as your primary fuel source. If necessary, this fire can also be used to melt the ends of your rope.
5) Tie the rope to a branch up in the tree. The branch should not be so high that you can't reach the end of the rope, in fact, the rope should hang only 2-3 feet from the ground. The type of knot is not important.
6) Tie the stick to the end of the rope that's hanging down from the tree. This knot should be a bowline.
7) Bring your fire and your Baby Ruth to a point under the rope.
8) After placing your fire on the ground, begin cooking the Baby Ruth. It is a little known fact that squirrels will immediately overcome their natural fear of humans and fire to have the opportunity to eat a flame broiled Baby Ruth candy bar. Within minutes, you should be overcome with squirrels. If not, you're obviously not cooking your Baby Ruth correctly.
9) Grab the stick (which should be hanging within easy hand's reach) and begin clubbing squirrels to your hearts content. Another little known fact: squirrels are much slower after being dazed by the fumes given off by cooking Baby Ruth candy bars and should be easy to club. The six-inch stick you're using as a club gives them a sporting chance.
10) Eat Baby Ruth flavored squirrels for dinner and never be hungry again.