sound reasoning

I just had the once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to read an incredible news story. Not that reading a news story is a once in a lifetime opportunity or that incredible news stories are all that rare, but I highly doubt that I will ever read a news article (headline: “Woman says her love handles saved her life”) that cites the following:

“I want to be as big as I can if it’s going to stop a bullet.”

That, my friends, is a fine example of some sound reasoning.

great accomplishment

I had an exciting week this week in which I accomplished what is quite possibly the greatest feat of woe and daring in the history of mankind as we know it.  This accomplishment, in its singularity, may very well be what pulls the banking industry from the doldrums of finance into the palatial realms of much greater companies like Enron and Tyco.  After literally years of trial and error, test, and countless sleepless nights I have finally achieved that which was formerly thought to be unattainable: I have created a triple-stuffed EL Fudge cookie.

I believe that this is one of the things JFK referred to when he said:

"We choose to go to the moon in this decade and do the other things, not because they are easy, but because they are hard, because that goal will serve to organize and measure the best of our energies and skills, because that challenge is one that we are willing to accept, one we are unwilling to postpone, and one which we intend to win, and the others [like creating a triple-stuffed short-bread cookie in the shape of a funny looking little person of questionable "orientation" who lives in a tree, which cookie is filled with a deliciously creamy fudge-flavored icing made from all non-natural ingredients that forces you to eat an entire package in one sitting even though that's probably 8600 calories which will all go straight to your hips and buttocks], too." 

Ladies and gentlemen…we…have won.  [Insert thunderous applause here.]  [And accolades.  Accolades go here.]

I anxiously await your unending praise, esteem, and admiration.