A 29lb sled with a 220 lb weight capacity built for old people to “withstand extreme use”. How could that possibly be a bad idea? It even has three different motion restricting, escape-proof restraining devices (they call them ‘safety straps’) and a head rest which practically guarantees that in the event of an overturn your forehead will be dragged through razor sharp shards of ice the absolute maximum distance possible. There's really nothing that says "I love you" like complete immobilization - it's even got a strap for the feet! With a narrow ski-base and precariously high center of gravity, keeling over into an uncontrollable tumble is practically inevitable. And for extra speed, there’s even a handlebar on the back for those “Here goes Grandpa!” push-offs. How exciting!
As if that’s not enough to make you go out and buy it right now, the runners are solid steel ensuring zero deflection as they slice through your extremities with the ease of a French Revolutionary guillotine. With not one but TWO “independently operating brakes” there’s no shortage of things to be talking/yelling/screaming bloody murder about as you careen down a 60 degree incline towards what will either be the most awesome jump over 17 cars and a school bus ever or a grisly scene of death and mayhem where miscellaneous body parts are sorted and piled for future identification to the sound of distant sirens and wailing car alarms. The only color available is red so the blood stains won’t even show up!
It's even on sale for a mere $429.00 + shipping and handling. Unfortunately, it’s only for riders with good head, neck, and trunk control so I guess I’ll have to find something else for the father-in-law…
2 comments:
I think two certain boys, who will remain unnamed, should buy this and try it with their dad. It's just the thing he would certainly love to try with a troop, don't you think?
Love it love it love it. Be sure to use it for Melissa when she gets old (I'm pretty sure YOU will stay a kid forever!) Love you guys!
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