I think geology (if you are over the age of eight and still have a pet rock, you might be a geologist) would get pretty old after a while. And by ‘a while’ I mean ‘more than 12 minutes’. I believe this is why geologists came up with such a fantastic rating system for volcanoes: the Volcanic Explosivity Index. This was their attempt to lure unsuspecting undergrad students into the terribly riveting world of the rock cycle. And by ‘terribly riveting’ I mean ‘like watching paint dry without the benefit of fume-induced hallucinations’. And by ‘rock cycle’ I do not mean ‘Aerosmith’s upcoming North American tour from June-September’.
They even tried to make it more exciting by incorporating descriptions like ‘paroxysmal’, and ‘mega-colossal’. DO NOT BE FOOLED! You will be forever stuck studying things like plate tectonics and stratigraphy which are NOT things you want to be forever stuck studying! And by ‘forever’ I mean ‘forever’. Geologists measure time in millions of years. This means they are very rarely on time for meetings.
Consider yourself warned.
29 April 2009
04 April 2009
melissa's run
Melissa just finished a half-marathon. She did really well. Definitely in the top 1500. I'm really, really, really proud of her and as soon as she can walk again, I'll probably take her out for a Bratwurst or something. I'm pretty sure that's exactly what she would want to eat right now.
03 April 2009
awareness campaign
During this time of war, upheaval, and economic chaos, it’s easy to forget the things that are really important in life. Sometimes, that which is most dear to us can become minute compared to the much larger problems which seem to surround us daily. The media would have us believe that we are helpless to change our situation while feelings of hopelessness and dread can fill our thoughts. This is when it becomes most vital that we remember the significant things which may have fallen by the wayside. Like Restless Legs Syndrome. 
It has now been long enough that I can no longer remember the last Restless Legs Syndrome commercial I saw. Forgotten by all, it is imperative that we do not allow made-up ailments to dissolve into the abyss! RLS could possibly affect nearly 12,000,000 people in the United States alone! That’s a potential of maybe almost 4% of the entire population! And it is estimated that there are many more who suffer from RLS will never seek medical attention for fear that “they wouldn’t be taken seriously” or some other inanity. That means that as many as 100% of Americans could perchance be potentially suffering from RLS! Why are these people not standing up and fighting to be recognized for the dastardly debilitating disability for which they suffer!?
Oh wait.
Well, why aren’t they sitting down and fighting to be recognized for the dastardly debilitating disability for which they suffer!? Fortunately, for only $67, these poor souls can purchase a single bottle of Restulex™, a homeopathic remedy “guaranteed* to help your legs stay relaxed from the very first use.” In my completely unbiased opinion, I think it would be hilarious to watch someone with relaxed legs try to walk. Therefore, Restulex™ is providing a much needed service to humanity: comic relief. 
It has now been long enough that I can no longer remember the last Restless Legs Syndrome commercial I saw. Forgotten by all, it is imperative that we do not allow made-up ailments to dissolve into the abyss! RLS could possibly affect nearly 12,000,000 people in the United States alone! That’s a potential of maybe almost 4% of the entire population! And it is estimated that there are many more who suffer from RLS will never seek medical attention for fear that “they wouldn’t be taken seriously” or some other inanity. That means that as many as 100% of Americans could perchance be potentially suffering from RLS! Why are these people not standing up and fighting to be recognized for the dastardly debilitating disability for which they suffer!?Oh wait.
Well, why aren’t they sitting down and fighting to be recognized for the dastardly debilitating disability for which they suffer!? Fortunately, for only $67, these poor souls can purchase a single bottle of Restulex™, a homeopathic remedy “guaranteed* to help your legs stay relaxed from the very first use.” In my completely unbiased opinion, I think it would be hilarious to watch someone with relaxed legs try to walk. Therefore, Restulex™ is providing a much needed service to humanity: comic relief.
This lady has no spasms.
On an unrelated note, I’m pretty sure Melissa has Restless Finger Syndrome. Last night she woke me up by repeatedly jabbing her index finger into my leg as though she was frantically trying to push the eject button on United Flight 1549. She has no recollection of the event.
*Restulex™ is not intended to diagnose, treat, cure, or prevent Restless Leg Syndrome (RLS). That part is taken directly from the Restulex™ website.
29 March 2009
squirrel fishing
On the recommendation of a friend, I found this:
In the process, I also found this:
I think they're both hilarious.
In the process, I also found this:
I think they're both hilarious.
survival training
I recently had the opportunity to learn some amazing skills from an individual who fancies himself a survival expert. I had no idea he was a survival expert, but after having him teach me how to snare squirrels, there is no doubt in my mind.
How to Catch Squirrels in a Survival Situation
1) Get a piece of rope. It's important that this rope not be longer than 3-4 feet and no thinner than 1/4 in. Preferably, you should be intimately familiar with this piece of rope, having taken it wherever you go for the past 8 months. Also important is melting the ends of the rope so they're not frayed (fortunately, this will be further addressed in step 4).
2) Get a stick. The stick demonstrated for me was approximately 2x6 inches.
3) Get one (1) Baby Ruth candy bar.
4) Make fire. This fire can be made using a can of spray paint and a match or a propane torch, both of which should be essential pieces of your survival kit. Redundancy should be observed by carrying two (2) cans of spray paint. When making the fire with spray paint, use only small/medium sized pieces of wood; no tinder or kindling allowed! When making the fire using a propane torch, use only tinder; no wood larger than a match should be used! However, you should save a few matches for later use if you decide to use matches as your primary fuel source. If necessary, this fire can also be used to melt the ends of your rope.
5) Tie the rope to a branch up in the tree. The branch should not be so high that you can't reach the end of the rope, in fact, the rope should hang only 2-3 feet from the ground. The type of knot is not important.
6) Tie the stick to the end of the rope that's hanging down from the tree. This knot should be a bowline.
7) Bring your fire and your Baby Ruth to a point under the rope.
8) After placing your fire on the ground, begin cooking the Baby Ruth. It is a little known fact that squirrels will immediately overcome their natural fear of humans and fire to have the opportunity to eat a flame broiled Baby Ruth candy bar. Within minutes, you should be overcome with squirrels. If not, you're obviously not cooking your Baby Ruth correctly.
9) Grab the stick (which should be hanging within easy hand's reach) and begin clubbing squirrels to your hearts content. Another little known fact: squirrels are much slower after being dazed by the fumes given off by cooking Baby Ruth candy bars and should be easy to club. The six-inch stick you're using as a club gives them a sporting chance.
10) Eat Baby Ruth flavored squirrels for dinner and never be hungry again.
How to Catch Squirrels in a Survival Situation
1) Get a piece of rope. It's important that this rope not be longer than 3-4 feet and no thinner than 1/4 in. Preferably, you should be intimately familiar with this piece of rope, having taken it wherever you go for the past 8 months. Also important is melting the ends of the rope so they're not frayed (fortunately, this will be further addressed in step 4).
2) Get a stick. The stick demonstrated for me was approximately 2x6 inches.
3) Get one (1) Baby Ruth candy bar.
4) Make fire. This fire can be made using a can of spray paint and a match or a propane torch, both of which should be essential pieces of your survival kit. Redundancy should be observed by carrying two (2) cans of spray paint. When making the fire with spray paint, use only small/medium sized pieces of wood; no tinder or kindling allowed! When making the fire using a propane torch, use only tinder; no wood larger than a match should be used! However, you should save a few matches for later use if you decide to use matches as your primary fuel source. If necessary, this fire can also be used to melt the ends of your rope.
5) Tie the rope to a branch up in the tree. The branch should not be so high that you can't reach the end of the rope, in fact, the rope should hang only 2-3 feet from the ground. The type of knot is not important.
6) Tie the stick to the end of the rope that's hanging down from the tree. This knot should be a bowline.
7) Bring your fire and your Baby Ruth to a point under the rope.
8) After placing your fire on the ground, begin cooking the Baby Ruth. It is a little known fact that squirrels will immediately overcome their natural fear of humans and fire to have the opportunity to eat a flame broiled Baby Ruth candy bar. Within minutes, you should be overcome with squirrels. If not, you're obviously not cooking your Baby Ruth correctly.
9) Grab the stick (which should be hanging within easy hand's reach) and begin clubbing squirrels to your hearts content. Another little known fact: squirrels are much slower after being dazed by the fumes given off by cooking Baby Ruth candy bars and should be easy to club. The six-inch stick you're using as a club gives them a sporting chance.
10) Eat Baby Ruth flavored squirrels for dinner and never be hungry again.
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