return fire

I just had a poop emergency. I had to pull into a gas station and just barely made it before utterly destroying their toilet. I felt bad afterwards so I bought a dollar candy bar. I definitely did not buy a compensatory amount of merchandise. It's the cheapest toilet I have ever destroyed.

I was feeling really bad for Gas Station Guy Ben because if his sense of smell is even a fraction that of a dog, his eyes will have begun bleeding long ago. And he was alone in there so there's a fair chance his curled up body, with stale licorice sticks shoved up his nose, won't be found until tomorrow. But now that I think about it a little more, I like to think this is my own little way of gas price inflation payback.

Fighting gas with gas. It's brilliant.

personalized gift

People say the best kind of gifts are the ones that come from the heart; the homemade gifts that really show you put some thought and deliberation into whatever present you're bestowing upon the gracious receiver. I don't necessarily agree with this philosophy. I think guns are a way better gift than something homemade. Unless it's a homemade gun. That's a pretty good gift.

However, if make the fairly good assumption that I have no idea what I'm talking about and pretend just for a minute that homemade, heartfelt gifts really are the best kind of gift, I would like to say that if any of you get a sweater from me for Christmas or your birthday or some other momentous occasion in your life, you can be rest assured that it will be the best, most heartfelt gift you'll ever (ever) receive.

Because I'm going to make it from my back fur.

You're welcome.

flatulence breakdown

I read once that dogs have a sense of smell anywhere from 10,000-100,000 times more sensitive than that of a human.  This allows them to not only smell much better than we do and to smell things we would never normally be able to smell, but to distinguish between smells much better than we do as well.  The example I remember was that of a chocolate chip cookie: we smell the chocolate chip cookie as a whole, dogs can smell the individual ingredients of the chocolate chip cookie - the flour, the sugar, the baking soda, and eggs all come out as individual smells to a dog.  This is why they're able to locate individual scents within a whole conglomeration of different smells.

 

So this raises the question, if a dog truly can smell individual smells as outlined, what do they smell when you flatulate?  What kind of farticulate breakdown would that result in?  Bruce seems to become rather interested in my buttock area whenever I happen to 'vent' (which is a VERY rare occurrence, I assure you, and when it does happen, it always smells like daisies in the breeze), so it's kind of an interesting question.

 

Also, I'm pretty sure they can't smell 10,000 times better than humans because if they could, Bruce would be dead.  The only time I've seen him be uninterested in chasing a ball was after another member of my household (who shall remain unnamed to protect her identity) pootered.  Bruce made a very firm decision to sit on the other side of the room until he moved into the kitchen.  He's a pretty smart dog.

Fun at the Mall of America aquarium

Our little bumbo guy!